Still Alive
by fawkester
Summary: For as long as he can remember, Castiel's best friend has always been his eyes. High school/domestic AU with blind!Cas I apologize for any errors I haven't really edited it yet.


For as long as he can remember, Dean's best friend has been blind. He met Castiel in preschool, when he asked the other boy why he was staring at the sky, but not actually looking. And Cas told him, his blue eyes fixed on a point above Dean's shoulder, "I can't look at anything." But instead of leaving, Dean asks if it is dark, and that is how it starts.

For as long as he can remember, Castiel's best friend has always been his eyes. Dean would sit next to him for hours, describing everything around. He told Castiel about his parents and his brother and Castiel's brothers and sisters. When Dean started talking about girls in middle school, Cas thought their squeaky voices could never compare to Dean's. And that is how it stays.

It's their junior year in high school when everything changes. It's when Cas quits asking Dean about other people and starts asking other people about Dean.

Mary says he has the greenest eyes she's ever seen. John says he's tall. Taller than Cas, but not as tall as Sam's going to be. Bobby talks about how his hair is short but still spikes up in the front. Jo mentions that he has freckles absolutely everywhere in one of her rants. Ruby says he stole a girl's lips. Sam tells him Dean has a tattoo over his heart that matches Sam's but shhh don't tell his parents yet.

Cas takes all these little things and tucks them away at the back of his mind. A little catalogue titled "All About Dean". Dean's appearance, his mannerisms, his _voice_. And Cas doesn't know, but Dean is doing the same with him.

"We're home!" Dean yells as they walk through the Winchesters' back door. He's referring, of course, to himself and Cas, who are inseparable as of late. They hold hands as they kick off their shoes and head for the kitchen, even though Cas knows this house better than his own and doesn't need the guide. He likes the feeling of skin on skin and neither boy pulls away until Cas is sitting down.

"Is anyone else home?" Castiel asks as he listens to Dean slam cupboards in search of snacks.

"Uh… no. Not yet." His voice is slightly muffled by something. The fridge, probably.

"Where is everyone?"

"There's a note on the fridge." Dean says as he drops a sleeve of crackers on the table in front of Cas, "My dad's at the shop and my mom is staying late at work for a meeting. We need to pick up Sam in an hour. Do you want to go to my room?"

"Sure. Is it a science club day?" Cas asks as he grabs Dean's arm to follow him upstairs, "Or speech?"

"I honestly don't know. Sammy does friggin' everything."

_And you do nothing._ Cas thinks to himself, but doesn't say anything out loud. Dean says he doesn't really participate in things because he hates everyone on a principle, but that's not quite true. Cas knows Dean has other friends, Jo and Ash and Pamela, but he also has a full-time job being best friend to the kid. Dean does a lot for him. Like right now, he's guiding Cas on the stairs while carrying both their backpacks and the crackers in his other hand. Cas sometimes wonders if he should take Jo up on her offer and let Dean hang out with his other friends for once, but he knows that will never happen. He's selfish. And Dean is his.

Dean cuts off his thoughts by randomly asking, "Does it suck?"

"Does _what_ suck?" Cas asks carefully, even though he knows exactly what Dean is talking about. They didn't talk about his blindness much, as any kind of disability is labeled A Sensitive Subject and Don't Bring It Up Unless Absolutely Necessary.

Dean sighs exaggeratedly from where Cas guesses he is sitting at his desk, "You know what I'm talking about. And I'm not gonna take any bullshit about you being uncomfortable talking about it. I've seen you talk to complete strangers about it. So tell me. Does it suck?"

He thinks about his answers for a minute. "Yes. But you get used to it." Cas runs his fingers along the seam of the bedspread, "I mean, I may not be able to see, but I can hear and smell and feel. I have good friends, like you, who help me out. And I'm still alive."

There's a shuffling sound and creaking footsteps on wooden floorboards before Dean drops onto the bed next to Cas and grabs his hand. He leans in close to the shorter boy's ear and whispers, "You have no idea how happy it makes me that you're still alive."

This throws Cas for a second. And then he remembers Dean knows the whole story. It was told to him though tears on an anniversary. The story of how Cas was in the car with his mom on his fourth birthday driving home from daycare. She didn't see the truck coming. The last thing Cas would ever see was his mom's smile, glancing back at him as she stopped at the intersection. That Cas could've died along with his mother but death spared his life, taking only his sight. Sometimes he forgets Dean knows everything. And then he just says "Oh." Because really, what else was he going to say?

"Just 'oh'?" He can hear the tease in Dean's voice and feel the shift as he scoots closer to Cas and touches his cheek lightly, "Look towards my voice, Cas." Cas does the best he can, if slightly reluctantly. He can feel Dean's breath on his nose as he says, "I really am happy, Cas."

Cas can hear the sincerity in his voice and ducks his head away, "You didn't even know me before." _I hardly knew me before._

"But I know you now." Dean lets go of Cas's hand and he shivers almost immediately. It's like he needs Dean's touch to keep him warm. The fingers brush his cheek again, "Cas, come on."

He tilts his head up, not for the first time wishing he could see Dean's expression. He's expecting Dean to say something stupidly sympathetic, to talk about how sorry he is. What he's not expecting is the press of chapped lips against his own.

It takes him a minute to respond properly but Dean doesn't move and soon he's feeling in the dark for his shoulders and his neck and Dean's hands are in his hair, twining around the curls and he knows he has never felt more alive.

So, yes, he may not be able to see Dean's face, but he can hear his voice and feel his skin and he is very much still alive.


End file.
